Friday, April 16, 2010

STL Bike Polo Suggestion/Help Box

Here are a few questions and comments I pulled out of the STL Bike Polo suggestion/help box.

Jake got blood on me. I'm not sure if it was my blood or his blood or blood from someone else. Is there a way to keep this from happening?" - Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

We've all experienced this phenomenon. Don't fret. There's no way to keep Jake from bleeding on you or making you bleed. Wear those bloodstains with honor. Take pride in the fact that the amount of blood staining your clothes and epidermis is equally proportional to how hard you were poloing on that given day.

Personally, I try to look like Carrie (sans the prom dress) by the end of a successful day of polo.

"Anchovy keeps slamming into me on every inch of the rink. What can I do to prevent this?" - Bruised in Ballwin

Dear Bruised,

The only real way to avoid the bumps and bruises that Anchovy dishes out is to be on his team. Other than that, there's really no way to escape the pain. Anchovy's school of hard knocks is always in session when you're on the opposing team.

"How do you stop the Knobbe Laser?" - Frustrated, Injured Goalie

Dear Goalie,

I do my best to provide an answer to every question and comment I receive. When I don't know the answer to a question, I do all of the research I can until I feel that I can provide you with an informed answer. But the question you just asked has no answer. In fact, I would encourage you to stop trying to block the Knobbe Laser altogether. Your efforts are only going to result in broken bones and shattered orbital sockets.

"You should let your bulldogs out less. It's unsettling to hear people barking at the neighborhood roller hockey rink." - Frustrated Neighbor

Dear Neighbor,
That suggestion is noted. Unfortunately, it will be immediately ignored. You are not officially playing polo until you have released your bulldog. Polo without bulldogs is like a bike without wheels. Normally, there are no stupid questions or suggestions...Unless your suggestion is for us to cage our bulldogs.

Until next time, keep sending in your questions, suggestions, and comments. And remember: keep having fun out there...keep pushing yourself to be the best you can be...keep partying hard.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Anatomy of a Party

Parties officially start with a crisp can of STACK. Enjoy it out of a cup or the can.

Then stop at the nearest Waffle House and order the following:
- Pecan Waffles
- Hashbrowns
- Grilled Cheese
- Diet Coke


Walk across the parking lot and puke behind the gas station.

And that is how you party on a Sunday afternoon in Middle of Nowhere, Kentucky.


ps. Colin and Toph are both forever banned from the FJ Cruiser for making a mess. Sunflower seeds and Trail Mix.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Never Forget.

The cuddled know only one thing: it is better to not be cuddled.